War on Body Image - Why it's not okay for big or skinny girls to bash one another!

The war on body image is now in full action and it's put a bad taste in the mouths of millions of woman across the country. The tension is getting as thick as those thighs honey! Woman who once came together to burn their bra's and fight for their rights are now blaming a bra company over body image issues. It all comes down to something that has been around since the beginning of time and that's jealousy also known as “The Green Eyed Monster Syndrome”. Woman all over the world are taking their own personal hate and blaming it on nonsense. It's time we stop and take responsibility for our actions ladies. Woman need to come together like we use to and stop the siding against one another. It is hurting our children. The big question we all want to know is...

“Why is it okay for fat girls to bash skinny girls but it's not okay if a skinny person says anything about a fat person?”

It's not okay.

(The choice of words used in the above statement are based from a popular question we are hearing in today's society due to the predigest going on. Please take no offense.)

Over the past few years I've seen numerous knocks on skinny girls all over social media sites and in person. It's just another form of bullying someone and it is not okay.

The real issue is that big girls think it's perfectly fine to walk up to a skinny girl and say cruel things to her such as...

“Why are you so skinny?”

“Don't you ever eat?”

“You make me sick!”

Let's stop right here. Just because you have extra meat on your bones doesn't give you the right to talk to anyone that way. It's simply an uncalled for double standard.

If it's not okay for a skinny girl to come up to a big girl and say...

“Why are you so fat?”
“Don't you ever stop eating?”
“You make me sick!”

It is certainly not okay for a big girl to ask these hurtful questions to a skinny girl, yet they continue to do so on a daily basis regardless of who they hurt.

This is a viscous cycle and they've now found a way to aim their hate towards the fashion and doll industry. Plus-sized woman are claiming that these people are the ones to blame for the low self-esteem in our daughter's stating it's a so called “Body Image” issue. Let me get this right, so it's okay for you to bash skinny girls all over the social media or in person but now you are the victims? Now you are blaming Magazines, Barbie, and Victoria's Secret for being unfair to you? Saying that they need to put big woman in their magazines, dolls, and stores because it's hurting your child's self-esteem? I don't think so! If this were true then why are there no images of thin woman in your photos and Advertisement?

Where are the skinny girls in your adds Layne Bryant and Zulily? I don't see a single slim girl in your advertisements.

Lets talk about this so called 'Body Image' war going on. Again it's not really about body image and most of us can see that but let's talk about it anyway. If this was about body image then we wouldn't see so much hate and bullying being posted on social media sites bashing the thin girls now would we? As far as I'm concerned,this was just another poor excuse for them to knock the thin-sized woman. It just gave them more ammunition to bully and talk down to them. It was one more way for these woman to vomit their own internal hate. They saw this as an opportunity for their deep rooted envy and it gave them just another excuse to be jerks! It's time to keep your big fat mouth's shut and think about who you might be hurting. Your friends, family, and even your kids are reading this hateful stuff. Your friends, family, and even your own little girls are seeing this and soaking it up. You're posting things like this knowing you have several thin friends out there reading this. Therefor it is intentional belittling. This makes you a bully and nine times out of ten a skinny girl will not fire back. Why, because she knows what it feels like and thinks about how it may hurt someone. She has been called names for being skinny her whole life and chances are she won't step to your level because she's been raised without so much hate. Her mother most likely stopped her when she innocently asked once upon a time “Mommy, why is that lady over there so fat?” A wise mother will politely correct the innocent child's question and say “Honey, it's not polite to stare. Some people are

just born that way.”

Envy and jealousy are nasty forms of hate and it takes a big person to stop the cycle. Hate is a feeling that we can't always control but we do have the power to keep our mouths shut and stop the cycle from taking over our own children.

Hate is like a nasty weed. It comes in unwanted places and it's hard to get rid of once it rears it's ugly head. There may never be a permanent cure but it's up to you to keep it managed. We may not be able to change other people but we do have the ability to keep our children on the right track.

All contents on this website are originally created and owned by the publisher. (C)

Let's look at the big picture when it comes to the cycle of hate. When and where the roots of hate are planted within our children, What keeps it growing and how to stop it before it's fully grown.

Somewhere down the road little Sally and her mother and father were sitting down watching a television commercial that had a beautiful thin blonde woman taking a bite into a burger. Sally's mother being upset that she can't just eat a hamburger without gaining a pound projects her hate in a comment saying “ She's just disgusting and blondes have no brains.” Sally's father is drooling over the thin blonde, sinking her pearly whites into the hamburger. The mother senses this from her own insecurities and gets jealous making a comment to father in front of little Sally saying “ What are you staring at?” Making a big stink to the father. The father shuts her up with telling her what she wants to hear by saying “Honey I love you for your extra curves! That skinny girl is disgusting, besides you know I'm not into blonde skinny girls anyway!” He says this because his wife made it very clear from the beginning of their relationship of her insecurities and jealousy towards skinny woman. He tells her this so he doesn't have listen to it all night or have to sleep on the couch.

Little Sally has now just picked up her first taste of hate by her very own mother. Someone she's looked up to since she was born five years ago. She grows up seeing her mother's jealousy at her father for being a man. Seeing this hate quickly molds innocent little Sally into a predigest thinker. Yesterday Sally didn't see shapes and sizes but today she sees something different and has learned hate.

The next day little Sally is out on the playground with all her friends. Little Sally walks up to her best friend Sophia. She says to Sophia “ You are stupid because you are too skinny and have no brains.” Sophia is hurt and confused by this. She becomes angry because she doesn't know how else to show her feelings at this age.

Here's where the circle of hate begins. Both little Sally and Sophia were both innocent, blissful, and happy little girl's. Yesterday they didn't see the what was on the outside of each other.

Today for the first time Sophia hates her blonde hair, skinny legs, and thinks she's stupid. She now has a complex. This is where the parenting comes in.

Sophia runs to her mommy and tells her mommy what happened at the playground. She says “Mommy that girl over there said I'm stupid and too skinny.” Mommy says “It's okay honey, she's been taught this and doesn't know any better. You are beautiful for who you are! Don't you let that girl tell you who you are!” In some immature cases there are mothers to girls like Sophia that will keep the hate going by saying “Honey, she's just mad because she's fat and has a low self-esteem! You are better than her.” In this scenario little Sophia's from all over the world grow up with too much self-esteem and think they are above over-sized people. Same goes to Little Sally. She will grow up with too much esteem as well and learn to feel jealousy, hate, and resentment towards anyone skinny or blonde. Eventually when she grows up she will bring it into her own family and that is how the hate continues to be fed.

Parents are taking the easy approach by blaming magazines, clothing shops, and Barbies for a self image issue in our children. No parent wants to admit that they are at fault when they see their child is hurting inside. When their child is suffering from an eating disorder it's much easier to point the finger at someone else. Parents with children who have become bullies do not want to take responsibility that it takes a bully to make a bully. Change is the most difficult things to do. It takes work and effort.

The point in all of this is that our daughter's didn't come out of the whom holding a Cosmopolitan magazine in their hand born in a Victoria's Secret shop. They heard and felt hate somewhere from someone they looked up to.

When I was a child playing with barbies, I wasn't thinking about body image while I was combing out her pretty hair or dressing her up. I was simply playing dolls and making up Barbie Soap Operas. Play is an amazing way for children to grow socially. Don't take that away from them because of your own personal feelings. These hypocritical opinions are ridiculous. These powerful woman are saying...

“Love your body for what you were born with.” “Sexy is all sizes and shapes.”

We all know this is not about body image issues. It's human nature to want what we don't have. Not everyone but most. It went too far when little Barbie was being attacked. So let me get this straight...

“Love your body for what you were born with and how you were made but let's change Barbie because she was made too thin?”

Make up your mind ladies. It was absolutely ridiculous when you blamed Mattel for making Barbie dolls too thin.

What about Barbie?

She didn't have a choice on how she was made. In doll world, she was born that way. I don't think she would appreciate the fact that woman who once loved her for who she was are now changing her into something to be more like them.

Let's stop blaming and focus on the real issues. The issues that are deep within. The hate and envy some have when they see something they don't have. It's time we stop this war now before we get a riot going. It's just an excuse for thick sized woman to bully thin-sized woman. If you are a thick woman with a thin child you'd better not be knocking those thin girls in front of her. Your building hate. Same goes to a thin-sized mother of a thicker child. The words “Your eating too much!” You're getting a little chunky.” or “We need to put you on a diet.” should never come out of your mouth! We've all seen mother's that are jealous of their own children. I've witnessed it in the park with my own children. There was an over-sized mother of two beautiful daughter's. One who was thick and one thin. They had picked up some hamburgers and fries for lunch and the mother says to the thin child. “You need another cheeseburger so we can fatten you up! You so skinny it disgusts me!” I've also seen it the other way around a few years back at a local carnival in town. There were two mothers eating at the table with their children. One mother literally says to her tiny little child “I use to be skinny just like you, but don't get used to it, you will get fat too!” The other mom comments back and says “You don't want to be skinny anyway, skinny girls are brainless snobs, you want meat on your bones!” I could see the confusion and heart ache in this poor girls eyes. You also have the thin-sized mothers that work hard on their bodies. It's all about the image for them. You'll typically see these mother's at the mall or in the park wearing their best clothes with their top of the line strollers and car's. If your child isn't fit or wearing name clothing they will not give you the time of day. It's very sad. I've seen happy children just being kids out at the park. They don't judge who they are playing with because they still have their innocence. I've watched with my own eyes a mother come over and take her child away from having fun. The child is fighting and screaming “Mommy no, we are having fun! These are my new friends!” The mother will say something like “No, you have your friends and they are over here! You know better!” The other children are left feeling bad thinking they're not good enough. Soon you will find that your once happy child is now saying she hates her clothes. She hates her body. She hates herself. She now feels embarrassed for who she is and where she comes from. It takes a strong, down to earth mother that will fix that immediately and stop the hate circle right then and there. We got to be strong for our little ones. It's up to us mother's and father's to stand together and stop the hate as soon as we see it.

Plus-size retailer Lane Bryant came out with the new spring campaign on April 6^th, 2015 stating that “All woman are sexy regardless of societies stereotypical views”. Just six days later actress Rebel Wilson made a bold appearance at the MTV Music Awards. She strutted onto the stage dressed as a Victoria's Secret Angel making a loud and clear fashion statement to supposedly 'prove that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes'. Early last November of 2014, Victoria's Secret came under attack for controversial body shaming ads with over 30,000 signed petitions asking the brand to change their slogan “The Perfect Body”.

This whole “Body Image” campaigning is a Lie!

It's just another poor excuse for the uneducated to fire their personal feelings by lashing out and focusing the anger on someone else. It's called the“Green Eyed Monsters” Syndrome, also known as “Jealousy” which is something that has been going on long before boob jobs and tummy tucks. This isn't about body image ladies! This is pure prejudiced thinking and it needs to come to a stop. What ever happened to woman coming together? Victoria's Secret brand ended up being bullied into changing their slogan to “A Body For Every Body”. This put the plus sized woman into an outrage because they say it was only changed on their website but that “The Perfect Body” was still hung up in VS stores. Who's really teaching our children what here?

The “Green Eyed Monster's” really shined their ugly rears June 30, 2014 when Epic Records released singer Meghan Trainor's debut single on. “All About That Bass”, written by Trainor and Kevin Kadish claiming the lyrics discusses positive body image. I don't think so! If this was so then this would be based around all sizes not just plus sizes. I see attacks on thin-sized sized woman on a daily basis posted in the news feed of my favorite social media website. In today's society, thin-sized woman are three times more likely to be bullied then an over-sized woman.

Have we forgotten the true message here? Have we been so brain washed by the blaming of the body image issue that we don't know what's right from wrong anymore? I can see why our children are so confused in today's society.

“Stand Together As One But Fight One Another”!

“Be Strong But Don't Talk Back Or Speak Up For Yourselves!”

Did you know that statistics show that larger woman are more confident then thinner woman? Yet nothing is being changed about it. Great woman and amazing companies are still getting the blame.

When I was trying to make ends meet I didn't go sue a plus-sized store for not hiring me because I was too thin. I applied somewhere else. That's what everyone needs to do when it comes to this “Body Image” nonsense. If it doesn't fit, go somewhere else. Enough is enough “it's time we stop now look around everyone is falling down” as sang it and it's “Time to Come Together Right Now” like Jon Lennon sung so well.

Wake up and smell the reality!

If anything is hurting these young girls growing up, it's the hate they are being exposed to by the woman and men that surround them. The parents are the ones who are in control of what their child sees. I have two beautiful daughters that are opposite in shapes. I've never knocked someone for their body size in front of them. My parents did an amazing job by raising me to see only what's on the inside. Does it mean I came out perfect, absolutely not. As much as we like to protect our children, it's impossible to protect them from all. For an example: My daughters were under the care of one of their in-laws, who happened to be a heavier set gal who decided to knock and belittle skinny blonde girls on television. Saying they had no brains. My oldest picked that up from her and I still catch her knocking the skinny blonde girls to this day no matter what I try and teach her. My youngest who happens to be a thin blonde was also hurt by this ruthless statement. She took it to heart and saw it as an attack. She said to me “Mommy, If this is what grandma thinks, then she must think that I'm stupid and disgusting. I come from you mommy so she thinks my mommy is dumb and disgusting too?” It made my heart ache. I told her that this is coming from jealousy and hate but it's not how we were raised. This just goes to show that we cannot protect them from all but I'll tell you, it's not easy to fix this once it's stuck in their little heads and they've been exposed to this type of belittling. It's especially hurtful and confusing when it's heard from someone they love or look up to, it's not easy to undo these predigest opinions.

“What do I do when my child is exposed to this type of hate from a strong influential personally in their life?”

It is especially difficult when they have heard predigest come from someone they look up to.

My advise to those who are struggling with this touchy subject is to just remind your child how much you love them. Be open with them and let them know that these are only opinions of someone else. Remember that you are the parent and that you brought them in the world. It's your job as their mother to instill strong, independent, and healthy spirits. You can only do so much protecting. The world will always have some form of hate that you can't protect them from. As the parent you can only do what you know is best and show them what's right from wrong. Your children are their own person so no matter what you do there will always be some things you cannot change in them. If you have a strong willed child they will have to learn everything on their own and your opinion doesn't stand a chance. Someday your hard work will pay off but if it doesn't and you have a wild card, don't blame yourself. You did your best. Don't be too hard on yourselves mama's! You did and are doing an amazing job, the best you can and could do.

Let's turn the tables a bit. What happens when your the one who wants to change your body? Here are some common questions that so many mother's struggle with.

“I'm planning to get a breast augmentation but I'm worried that my daughter will think happiness comes from change.

How do I teach her that this is just mommy's decision and that she's perfect the way she is when I'm not happy with the way I am?”

If you are a mother considering or have already gotten a boob job or have done other body altering.

If you are a mother considering changing your body or have already had some body altering done please continue to read. Make sure you explain to your daughter's that the decision to change was your choice and not for someone else. Explain to your child that changing your body is a personal choice you are making. It is a choice for you and only you. Let her know that some of us are born with smaller or larger proportions. It is very important that you emphasize that we are beautiful either way because that's the way we were created! Some people like it and some do not. It's as simple as that. You can tell your child that sometimes we don't like the sizes we were given. Here is one of many examples you can use if you have a younger child that is looking for answers. You can say to your child in question.

“Remember that time we went to your favorite fast food restaurant and you were upset because you wanted more french fries because you were really hungry and you thought it would be cool to have a bigger fry then a smaller fry? Do you remember when mommy changed your order to a super size so that you could have more fries? Mommy used to get big fries too when she was your age because she thought it was really cool to have big fries and they were so yummy! Now mommy's had so many big fries that she just likes getting the small fries now, it's just enough to fill her up. The same thing goes with our bodies. Some want to get it bigger or smaller because it's cooler or because we just like it better that way. It doesn't always mean that's the way everyone want's it because everyone is different.”

I struggled with this topic myself because I have growing daughters. I thought 'what message would this be giving them if I got a boob job'. I don't want them growing up thinking that you have to get big boobs in order to be happy because that's what their mother did. So,I've personally made the decision to wait until they leave the nest before altering my body. Some would argue with this saying that you have needs too and that you shouldn't put all of your happiness aside for your children. I don't feel that I'm putting my happiness aside. My children are my happiness. Again, it comes down to the circumstances, personal beliefs, or how we were raised. This choice was a choice I made from my own individual thoughts and experiences. I do not judge others for the choices they make.

If you are a mother who is considering or that has already altered your body, I hope that you can be open with your daughter about it all. My advise it that you discuss this openly and explain why you made the decision and why it's important for you. Make sure you let your children know that we are all perfect the way we are and that sometimes we just don't like the way we are but that it is a decision you've made on your own and not because someone else thinks that's how you should be. I know there are some mothers that hide this from their daughter's. They will notice. You will be the first person they look at when they find themselves feeling down because they were born with smaller proportions because you are their mother. You created them. They look up to you. When they learn about fake boobs from television or a friend and they come to the realization that they are the only one flat chested. Be prepared! Don't under estimate your daughter's. Remember they are a lot more brighter then you think and don't forget where they got those smart brains of theirs. There will be a day when they come across the family photo's and see that you were once flat chested too, they will ask you questions. Just make sure that you have a very good explanation. They will feel a break in trust if they are the last to know and it will take some time to heal. If they were just too little when you made the changes then you can just tell them you were waiting for this day to come. Otherwise honesty is the best.

Raising daughters to be happy with the body they were born with can be a huge challenge today. It all comes down to a variety of circumstances and different parenting styles we each have as individuals. We all do the best we can based on our own personal experiences.

Back to the hate going around, if you don't like it, don't buy it or watch it. This war on “Body Image” proves only ignorance. Ignorance that starts with a feeling that has been around since the beginning of time. “Jealousy”. If it was truly about body image, than lets focus on everyone including the thick, thin, tall, short, handicapped, and/or disabled. Those who are out there knocking brands like Victoria's Secret are being hypocritical. All of these stores serve the same ideas and purpose. Whether it be Lane Bryant or Victoria's Secret, we go there to hide what we have or to alter it. Most of us select these stores to make our body look better by pushing, tucking, hiding, and/or flattening it. Open up your eyes society! We all want what we don't have and the reasons are not because Cosmo says so. Woman and children come in all different sizes. If they are larger it could be the bone structure, if they are heavy, it may be from your parenting style. Change is one of the hardest things to do, but we've got to start turning the hate into knowledge and focus on what this is really about. It's time we stop blaming and start re-evaluating ourselves so that we can better educate the children who look up to us. We want to look better for many reasons such as wanting to impress that perfect date, a night out on the town with friends, romantic evenings with the Mr., or for work. Whether it's to hide something we don't like about ourselves or if it's to boost something up, it's a choice we make. It's upsetting to see so many people getting hurt by these insane protests and campaigns brought on by personal feelings. Enough is enough. This has become more of an excuse to bash the skinny and it's not okay! It is also causing thinner people to grow a hate towards overweight people. I speak for myself and millions of others today when I say this needs to stop. Let go of the predigest. It's a lot more easier to blame then to change but if we all stand together, then we have the power to change! If it's not right for an underweight woman to call an overweight woman fat, ugly, lazy, or disgusting to their faces, then it is certainly not okay for an overweight woman to continue to call an underweight woman sickly, gross, anorexic, or disgusting. This is belittling and it needs to stop. I'm so tired of hearing “It's just not fair”. What it really comes down to is morals. I can say it's not fair for skinny woman to be knocked on a daily basis for being skinny. I can also say that you don't see many skinny woman knocking a big girl on a daily basis. It could be out of morals or fear. The street goes both ways here. I would like the thin girls to stand up for themselves when they are being knocked, but that would just be to cruel right? Wrong. It's all wrong. This just goes back to the green eyed monsters (aka jealousy). We all have one in us. It's what we decide to do with it that matters. What most over-sized woman don't realize is that thin-sized woman want what you have. Plastic Surgeons are banking on all sizes of woman flooding their offices in hopes to gain or lose more. Again, we all want what we don't have. It's a personal preference not a body image issue.

Let the clothing stores do what they want. If you don't like it, go to one that fits you better. We are in a society where there are a million places to shop made for different types of people. Lets just be healthy emotionally and physically. Remember that some can't help it. Big bones runs in families just as high metabolisms run in others. We can't help the genes we were given but we can change the way we think and speak. Retrain that mind of yours to think “healthy” not “Jealousy”. Plus-sized sized woman say they get treated poorly by doctors for being overweight. I'd rather be treated then to not be treated at all because I “look healthy”. A new study just showed that “Skinny Fat” is the most deadly of them all. Let's all look at the facts and stop the nonsense. We need to come together as woman should and stop taking our own personal hates and blaming it on others, start loving one another for who we are and not for our size. Go back and remember why we have a Victoria's Secret and a Layne Bryant. Take yourself back to the real reason we tuck, flatten, or push up. This hate needs to stop. Please Share If You Agree! Let's put our minds together on this one and become one as we should.

Signs that he doesn't like me

Living in a world of technology doesn't make it easy knowing whether a guy likes you or not. It's not easy meeting someone in the real world these days. We are now left with limited options on how we meet new people. Today we find ourselves looking for love in the online world. If you've found this site, you're most likely stuck with no other choice other than meeting Mr. Right through an online dating site. Why, because the club days are over and you don't really want to meet your soul mate in a bar! It is especially difficult when you're in your mid-twenties to late forties because you've experienced dating during or before the world turned technical.

We've all asked the question "Does he like me?" We've bugged our friends, family, and co-worker's about it, but when all else fails, you can always get online. The 'old faithful' Internet will always have your back! That's what got us here in the first place my dear. Thank goodness for Google. You can come to Google for anything and you don't have to worry about being the "over analyzer" or the "over thinker". That is how you found this amazing website anyway, right? I'm glad you've made it here. No Gimmicks! No "Read this first" for a costly, lengthy explanation or "Buy this book for answers". I'm just going to get straight to the point.

Here are some of the most common, messy, yet confusing questions that we've all asked ourselves at some point or another in our lives.

" I met this amazing guy online! We eventually exchanged phone numbers and everything was going really great. We talked for several weeks and finally met face to face just a few days ago. Now he's not texting as much. When I ask him if everything is okay, he gives me all of these new excuses. First he was busy at work, then he was tired, and now I seem to be the one initiating everything. Does he still like me?"

Ladies, this is what I like to call the "Slow Fade". This is when you meet a great guy and then 'out of nowhere' he starts to vanish. All of the sudden "Mr. Right" becomes "Mr. Not So Available", leaving you left wondering what happened. You've got an electronic broken heart. These feelings of doubt and confusion are something that comes with artificial dating. The brain is tricked. It's not real.

"I really started to like this guy and he claimed that he really liked me as well. The two of us had so much in common, it wasn't even funny! I just don't get what happened".

If you're here reading this then you should be proud of yourself because you've already come so far. You've definitely come to the right place. I can see that you already know deep down that something just isn't right here. You have just passed the third most hardest part. The second most hardest part is when you came up with every possible reason why he could be doing this and you've found that you didn't do anything wrong at all. You did your best but here comes the hardest part of it all, You've now begun to question yourself. You are driving yourself nuts because you've started to over think and over analyze every little thing and text message.

"Did I do something wrong? Am I not pretty enough?" Did he meet someone else?"

No, No, No! Wipe that thought out of your pretty, smart little head of yours immediately. It's completely normal to do this. In fact it's how our subconscious thoughts get us through this. When we over think, we exhaust the thought. It tires you out so that if you get hurt it won't be as bad. To answer the questions we over ask ourselves. Unfortunately, there's a slim chance that he was judging you for such pathetic little things. That is his ego. He knows you're too good for him. Be happy when he finds the one because he needed someone beneath him. He's not good enough for you anyway!

Your gut is always right! It could be any or all of the above,but nine times out of ten, it isn't you honey! In fact, this guy is probably beneath your beautiful self. You typically don't date this type. You settled and now you've got Mr. No Good's all over the place taking pieces out of your self esteem because of it. This whole "He's Just Not That Into You" is over rated and out dated honey! It's him not you. You're too good for him and you have forgotten this only because you've gotten to know him a little. You settled. Now you have to put your crown back on and forget all about this douche bag. Trust me, he is not worth it and he doesn't deserve you.

"What seems to be the problem"?

Dating sites are just like anything else out there. You get what you pay for. If it's free, well then it's not always the best quality. We can't always afford quality but we will always be worth it! Online dating sites are like lemon car lots. It can look amazing on the outside but as soon as you take it for a test drive, the starter's broken, there's no engine, or both. If you are a young woman and you are paying money for a fancy dating site, you may find money, but with money comes trouble. There are a lot of controlling men that seek out weak woman on these sites. There's a reason why he's single. This man will want you to stop working. He will buy you gifts, wine, and dine you. As soon as he starts going off about his "crazy ex wife" saying unthinkable things about her or tells you "He never hit her and how she ruined his life". Run don't walk! You do not need this in your life. He will do the same to you and he will turn on you. It's only a matter of time.In this case, be glad that he doesn't like you. You are an obsession, a possible 'fixer upper' to him, and you are just his next victim.

Signs that he likes you. 

He will text you first thing in the morning and right before he goes to sleep because you are always on his mind.
If he has truly been busy, he will be eager to show you why he's been busy.
He sends cute little text messages through out the day.
He will text you when he's out with his friends or on vacation.
He will want to see you as much as possible and try to make plans.
He talks about you to his family and friends.
He wants to know how your day has been.
He talks about the future with you.
He asks you questions about your life because he wants to know everything about you.
He doesn't force or pressure you to do anything you don't want to do or aren't ready for.
He respects your morals.
There are no timelines, boundaries, or limits on the relationship. It goes with the flow.

Signs he doesn't like you or is just using you.

He rarely texts or calls you. When you confront him, he gets defensive and makes excuses.
He lies about little things. For example: He tells you he was asleep but slips up later and tells you he took his depressed friend out for a drink.
The text messages and conversation always ends up leading to sex.
He puts timeliness, boundaries, and limits on the relationship. He will tell you it's too soon to talk about the future, slow down, or that you're just not there yet.
He talks about his ex all of the time.
He still logs on to the dating sites.
He won't touch you in public and will rarely go out in public with you.
His idea of a good time is staying in with you so you can "cuddle".
My advise to you while dating.

Always rely on your gut instincts. If you sense any of the above in a guy you've been talking to, just turn the other way and don't look back. He doesn't like you and you can't change that. I know this is really harsh especially when you have the illusion that everything is great. If he pulls the  'slow fade'  on you, don't even look back sweetheart! Controlling men will actually use this tactic as a form of manipulation to test your weakness. This is how they break you in and make you their victim. Don't be a victim. It's so hard but he can be gone just as fast as he was here. Look for the signs and when you see them and don't let him take anymore from you. Cut out of his life before he hurts you.. Be strong. Play the field. If you meet a guy online and he has a cropped out picture in his profile of his ex wife, he's not over her. You are the rebound and you don't have time to waist honey. Remember, the feelings you're having are generic and you are suffering from a technical heart break. It's not real. The brain doesn't know that but you do. The best you can do is move on to the next right away. You were just settling in the beginning anyway so delete him, block him, spam him, and lose his number for good. If he tries to contact you, flat out ignore him.

Take a new path by giving that really nice guy or guys that keep messaging, that have been dying to meet you. Give this one a chance.There will be no question or doubt in your mind when a guy genuinely likes you. That is the secret to the question. When there is no question, that is how to tell if a guy likes you. You will never have to second guess his behavior. You will feel complete content and trust him right off the bat.

There will be no feelings of confusion. It will just fit like a puzzle.

Dealing with a Boy trapped inside a Man's Body

Dating or being married to a boy trapped inside a man's body can give you a whole range of emotions. He may make you want to pull out all of your hair and scream sometimes.

This type of man will anger you more then any other man has ever angered you before.

This will be a little scary since you never knew you were capable of having these deep rooted feeling inside especially for someone you love so much. This is when resentment will start to build. You're way too good for that sweetheart! Your time is precious and so are you. Don't let him make you feel any less just because he hasn't or isn't capable of being mentally grown.

Some how in some way it will always get turned around on you when you get into a fight or argument with him.

Fights are usually started because you've come to him or opened up about your thoughts or feelings. You're not happy with the way things are going or you don't feel satisfied. You should always be free to speak your feelings! You deserve to be happy! A grown man who loves you will do anything in his power to make sure he listens and makes sure you are happy! Don't you ever forget that! (Easier said then done at times though' huh?)

Unfortunately, this type of man will not only get defensive, he will always have something to say along these common lines when you try to talk to him.

   "Stop attacking me".

   "I can't do anything right".

   "Why can't you just be happy"?

   " I have feeling's too"!

   "I guess I'm not aloud to talk          about My feelings".

    "You probably deserve better"!

He usually plays the "Victim" card or play's it down. Why? Because he can't be wrong and this defines a boy stuck in a Man's Body.  He can't see it but anyone and everyone else grown can. This person doesn't want to grow up or just can't. 

Typically when he reacts this way over a small grown up talk, you end up confused and asking yourself, "How did something so small and simple turn into something so big and confusing"?

Easy answer... This is how he manipulates you. It's a type of reverse psychology commonly known as 'Smoke Screening'. He can also be a projector. Projecting is when someone starts making their problems your problems. This is a way he spins the whole thing into constant circles. Before you know it your head is spinning and you are now so confused. You have just forgotten what is really going on. (Guess What? That is his exact plan and he knows just what he's doing). You have to be smarter, stop him as soon as you get to this point, let it be known you are onto him, and you must start back to the original problem.

The key is not forgetting why you came to him in the first place. Stick to what the subject is really about.

You have got to find a way to focus on that while tuning out all other nonsense that's coming out of his mouth. Trust me, if you don't, you will not only get hurt but you will get lost in his game of merry go round as well. His goal is to get the attention off himself and onto you.

"Immature men cannot accept blame".

This spinning around cycle can go on for days, weeks, and even months if you allow it to, because again

"Immature men cannot accept blame".

Do not step down to his level. Do stay focused. 

Don't be pulled into his trap by letting him get you so upset that you're calling him names. This is exactly what he wants you to do. Why? Because if you do, then he wins. 

By calling him these specific names, it will only provoke this "Man-Child" more. You do not want to go down this road. It is dangerous.

Reframe from using names such as these:

Immature, Child, Childish, or Baby and definitely stop yourself from saying "Grow Up!" 

It will set him on fire because he knows you are right. Remember, he can't be wrong regardless of how it makes you feel because he's designed like a child. It's his happiness that counts, not yours.

If you love this man and want him to hear you, follow my advise by staying focused and not letting him get you upset. Stay centered and don't forget the real reason why you are coming to him. If this doesn't help and you come to a point where you just can't take it anymore then I suggest counselling or just moving on. 

If at anytime things escalate to a point where he gets abusive, get help immediately! Signs of abuse come in many forms and if at anytime this happens, it does not matter if he's a boy living in a man's body. Abuse is abuse. If he puts you down, gets in your face, shouts, throws things, or gets physically violent with you, this is abuse. If you get to a point where your own anger gets out of control, get help. It can get pretty nasty so you must carefully remove yourself from the situation immediately before someone gets hurt.

We don't always have the strength to appropriately handle ourselves in these types of situations or with these types of people. Not everything can be worked out and sometimes even the most loving relationships can get toxic. Stay safe, keep focused, and make healthy choices. It takes two intimate individuals to make a functioning grown up relationship. If you're the only one working at it and it's a constant win or lose battle with him or you constantly feel that you're fighting against the waves, it's because you are dealing with a child.

Most, if not all of us have dealt or loved a boy trapped in a man's body. Love can make us see things through Rose Colored Glasses making us blind to the true picture of it all. 

If you are here then you probably love this guy deeply while at the same time you feel this could be your last straw with him. 

Your looking for answers because these are two very conflicting feelings that you're having. It can really start to overwhelm and take a tole on you. We are taught that Love conquers all. If it did then why do we feel so bad for something we love. Maybe the answer is right there...

You may have had it with this guy and feel you've already been through enough of the "Breakup and Makeup's" with him. You may also feel as if you can't live without him because during one of the breakup stages you realized you couldn't.

Either way, there are a lot of mixed emotions when you love a boy trapped in a man's body and that's why you're here. 

Check out these facts and statistics!

Did you know that:

Everyone starts out as a female before they're born! So not only was every man born from a woman, he was also actually a "she" once apon a time! (That could explain his monthly man moods or as I like to say "He's going through Menopause").

Men are mentally behind woman by two whole years.

People often mistake 'boys trapped in a man's body' as being a 'narcissist' because they carry the same personality trades. 

(Examples: Selfishness, Always Right, Controlling, or appear to have very little emotion.)

Mental Age Growth and Common Effects to Delayed Mental Growth Chart:

Age 13 - 16 without frequent use of alcohol or drugs. These are Boy's. Don't expect anything less or anything more.

Age 13 - 18 with Alcohol and/or Drug use. Did you know that a guys mental state is actually frozen at whatever age he starts drinking or doing drugs. He will literally stay at that maturity level for the rest of his life! ( This can also be found in woman but we're not talking about that right now- Moving on).

Age 16-25 he is in the transition of becoming a young man and he is at his highest peak with his Sex Drive. This is different for Men who don't get Sex often from their partners. It's proven that 9 out of every 10 men in a long term, committed, or married relationship continue to stay in their prime much longer. It's called "The Chase" or "Want what they Can't have Syndrome". They are also much more likely to stray or cheat in these tough times.  Keep them "Unloaded". This is a whole other Blog! I will get to that another time! 

Age 25 - 35 without children start to became more independent and are now young men. The closer to 40 they get, the closer to hitting their mid-life crisis! (Yikes!)

Age 25 - 35 with children become men. They still hit a weird mid-life crisis but most times is a lot more tamed then if they didn't have children or weren't married. Although a small percentage (Usually the "Man-Child") can go off the deep end. " I WANT TO BE FREE!" They feel they are getting old, try to stop it, and falsely believe it's all your fault! Oh the great times of Resentment. Not!

Age 35 - 45 without children and/or never married are completely and 100% a "Man Child" aka "A boy trapped inside a Man's body". Add Mama's Boy to that and you got yourself a case of a "Super Man Child" or what I like to call "A Scrub"! (Coming from the old time favorite TLC song from back in the day! That's right! I said that out loud!)

Age 26 - 45 with children who have been married or in a long-term committed relationship, that do not have an addiction to alcohol or drugs, who haven't been frozen by drugs and alcohol as a boy- These are what we call Men. 

Awe Yes...Manly Men! This is the one we ALL truly want and desire so much. Now sometimes if you catch one early, marry, and have his children, he will most likely begin growing into a man years earlier. 

If we don't have a grown man and are here dealing with "Boy's stuck in a Man's Body" We want it! We so want our guy to be that man. We may have already had, loved, and lost a man like this before. That makes it worse because we expect that in a man now. That's the way it should be. It is so frustrating and heart wrenching loving these guy's. They make excuses for Everything, Can't grow up if their lives depended on it, their always right never wrong, and sadly love themselves more. Truth is we do love them, we are blinded by that, and we are also somewhat settling. It's even more challenging if your guy has been married and divorced already because he is so stubborn that he actually believes that by not getting married again, he's doing the "Right" thing. He feels he must go back to being young again. No commitments. No one's going to tell him what to do! When in all actuality, it's called compromising in a relationship. Although everyone around him knows this, the child like guy just can't see it this way. If only he knew how foolish he looked, we probably wouldn't be here right now. If he knew just how wrong he really was, he would do right. Why? Because he just can't be wrong now would he! He just cannot cohabitate in this stubborn child like state of mind. He literally lost the man in him from his failed marriage or long-term relationship. He can't handle being wrong or failing again. Why? Because he is a Boy and Not a Man. 

Watch your heart. Play the field with or without him in your life cause it's just too short. (He would, so why can't you?! This is another Blog I will be writing about soon!) 

Final Conclusion

  

If you can't live without him then learn to live with it. There is only one way to change his ways and help him grow and that is to leave him or start living like you weren't with him. That's Right... Leave or Live. You can do both if you have it in you. One day at a time. 

My advise is to give yourself a week or two to think about it before pulling any plugs. You don't want to do something impulsive that you may regret. It's the wise thing to do. You don't have to disappear. Just keep things casual while you sort out your thoughts and see if this is something you really want to deal with. 

Sometimes during this time of thinking we'll see his true colors, good or bad. If we're lucky he will sense the end is near, it's time he snaps out of it, grows up, see's his faults, and wants to be the man who truly makes you happy. The child in him will vanish, the man in him will step up, and he will put his prideful ways aside. 

If he was meant to be...he will come back and want to be "Your Grown Man" especially the moment he thinks someone else will swoop you up. Sometimes it takes forgetting him all together. But he will be back once he realizes there is no one more right for him or more about growing up in a good way, then You! 

In the mean time, if you have to find a replacement then do it! He will come back a grown man. If he doesn't, you've already moved on and you will see that you just saved yourself a whole lot of that precious time that you can't or wouldn't have ever gotten back.

Extra thoughts...

If this man hasn't grown up by now and he's 30 plus year's old, chances are he may never grow up. Deep inside you may already know that but it's in our blood to fight until we are absolutely certain of the answers. Especially when it's for someone we love and if our gut is telling us something's off. It's natural to fear pain and with love comes pain.

The question is...Why do we have to fight for a love that's right? We don't... We only fight for something when we feel it's wrong or when we feel we are losing it. We fight to make it right.

Ultimately, Your just not happy.

Thanks for reading! I love Ya'll!

Working with parents with PTSD from Domestic Violence in a Child Custody Case

It can be challenging if you are an attorney representing a victim of domestic violence in a Child Custody case who suffer's from severe PTSD.
( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder )

• Nine times out of ten the abuser is the father of the children. He uses the justice and court system along with the children as a way to continue to abuse, control, and harrass the victim.

A lot of courts don't recognise the long term damage on the children's well being in these cases. Having a quick trial is crucial in these cases. In most states it is only recognised in criminal hearings but not civil matters. For example in a criminal case the victim has a right to a speedy trial. This can and should be recognised and brought to the attention of the judge in severe cases of long-term abuse. Awareness is also crucial in civil custody cases. Most likely the victim suffers from "Battered Wife Syndrome" and "PTSD" from years of abuse from the other parent.
The victim and children live in a constant state of fear making everything so much harder. They are constantly reliving the abuse everyday.

Mother's who have endured year's of abuse are extremely protective of their children. Most of the abuse typycally happens at night when the children are asleep or even while at a grandparents house for the night. This is because the abuser doesn't want anything leaking out. The mother protects the children by carrying on with her day making sure the children continue to live a happy and well taken care of life. The children will be very confused when the mother leaves their father and when the parent's split because they don't know what's going on and this is how and when the abuser will target and use the children. He will use anytime with them to manipulate, interrogate, alienate and brainwash them about their mothers character, her where abouts, and prompt them to lie if they have witnessed anything in the home. This is very difficult on children because they love and trust both parents but are now in the middle and often don't know who to believe but want to please both sides.

It is best if the children can remain with the mother until all court proceedings and interviews have been done. This may be very difficult though. If the judge agrees the father is to remain a part of the children's life, a motion for supervised visitation at a trained facility should be submitted immediately. This assures everyone's safety and prevents the father from manipulating or harming the children.

Always remember that the abused knows the abuser better then anyone else in this unfortunate situation. You must take them very serious if they advise you that their life or children are in danger.

There have been far to many cases like these where the children are kidnapped, manipulated, alienated, abused and killed. One out of fifteen custody cases involving a violent father end fatally.

Working with a client who suffers from severe PTSD and learning how to cope in these cases is extremely important. These cases aren't the standard divorce case your dealing with and it will help everyone in the long run if you understand and learn these symptoms and behaviors of your client.

Behavior of the victim before a hearing.

• Worry
• Anxiety
• Fear
• Nervousness
• Reapeated fears
• Aggitation
• Highly stressed
• Ask a lot of the same questions
• Confusion with timelines

The victim may call your office several times when new fears arise. You have to understand that she has most likely been alienated from her friends and family by the abuser. She doesn't have anyone else to talk to and can't trust anyone but is trying to trust that you will assure the safety of her children and her. As busy as you may be it's crucial that you stay patient. If you're too busy, try setting her up with a victim coordinator if you haven't already.

It will trigger the victim's P.T.S.D. if you or the victim coordinator show irritation or frustration with her fears and this could lead to crying outbreaks and agitation. This will likely result in the victim wanting to give up and no longer want to continue out of loss of confidence and lack of trust.

In most custody cases the victim is represented by a volunteer lawyer because they are struggling single mother's. In severe cases the victim suffers from P.T.S.D., depression, anxiety, and temporary or permanent injuries from the abuser. These all make it very difficult for the victim to stay focused and calm.

Once a victim leaves the abuser she not only has to pick up all the peices the abuser left behind but she will continue to try and keep things as normal as possible without disrupting the children's lives as she had always done. In most cases the abuser controlled everything including all financial matters. She will be forced to move from her home and start working to get into a new home that is affordable and safe for her children and her. It's not easy to find a landlord who will have to take a split up deposit because she doesn't have the fund's. If the victim has P.T.S.D., is injured or disabled that makes everything that much harder to work and make it to therapy appointments. She will have to put work 1st because her children come first and she must provide a roof over their head and food in their tummy's. By missing her medical appointments the abuser gets the upper hand in his case. If she can't support the children he could also get the upper hand because judges want to see the kids have a home. If she can't provide these things then the courts could make a fatal decision.
I've seen many cases where this happens and the children land in the hands of the abuser which is never good. If the abuser hasn't already harmed the children it will eventually happen.

The abuser typically uses the children as a weapon of control on the mother. If he can't see her, he will drag her into court as much as he possibly can or extend the trial as long as he can to keep a hold on her. This will eventually began to not only take a toll on her and their children but at her job as well for missing work to attend court hearings.

The victims in these cases remain in the abuser's prison while he is free to do as he pleases. The children and the mother suffer a great deal of psychological and physical damage due to this. Damage that may never be able to be undone, that could have life-long consequences.

Please do your research on P.T.S.D. and try everything you can to be patient and understanding. It will help the case, you, the children, and the victim tremendously in the short and longterm of things.